8 things married people don't talk about (but should)
Saturday, 25 May 2019
Nobody likes to have
difficult conversations, so it's not surprising that many couples avoid
talking about these topics. To give you both some peace of mind, stop
thinking "it'll never happen to you" or telling yourself you'll
talk about it later. Pick one topic at a time to make the task less
daunting, but you'll want to cover them all sooner than later.
Whether you struggle to get along with the in-laws, tolerate them, or
love them to pieces, it's still important for you and your spouse to discuss
how involved they will be with your own family. No matter how much you love
your husband's mother, you're unlikely to want her advice on every single
family decision. Your husband likely feels the same about your parents. To
avoid some major conflict, talk about your in-laws with your spouse.
Discuss what issues and situations you
each would like to keep private and how much influence you feel is appropriate
for your in-laws' opinions to have on your household. Remember, be kind and
loving as you talk about each other's families, applying the Golden Rule to
anything you think about saying about your spouse's parents or siblings. These
people shaped your spouse into the person you fell in love with, after all.
There are so many things that are more fun to do than writing a will—like
doing the dishes or cleaning the toilet—that chances are you and your spouse
have yet to tackle this task. Neglecting you will could mean headache and lots
of stress for your family should the unthinkable happen and you pass away
without leaving any instructions. A will becomes even more important once you
have children. You'll want to designate a legal guardian whom you trust and
whom both you and your spouse agree on. Writing a will and appointing a legal
guardian aren't simple tasks, but they are very important.
US News says some people looking to avoid some
hassle will opt for a Do-It-Yourself will. This might sound like a good idea,
but it's easy to make mistakes that could invalidate your will or cost your
heirs more legal fees.
"If you're firmly in the middle
class, you can probably get away with writing a will using a legal online
site," said US News. "But if you are upper-middle class or worth
more, you should almost certainly find an estate attorney."
Retirement might seem so far in the future it might as well be another
lifetime, but rest assured that day will come. And it will be a far more
pleasant reality to face if you've talked about your plans for it in advance.
One great way to prepare today for retirement: find out whether your employer
offers a 401(k) plan and how much of your contributions it will match. When
possible, max out the amount of money they'll match in order to receive the
best return on your investment.
There are many other retirement options
to look into as well, but that's a conversation you should have with a
financial planner or accountant. These professionals will be able to help you
decide how much you can afford to invest and where that money will yield the
best return between now and retirement.
Sure you have sex, but do you talk about it? Have you ever had a
conversation about what you each like or don't like? Have you ever described to
your spouse your idea of your perfect sexual encounter, or asked him if there
was anything you could do to make his experience better?
"People tend to assume their
partners know what they like in the bedroom. Often, to please a partner, people
give no feedback about their experience during sexual relations," said
Pamela Rogers, MS, PhD, a writer for Healthline.com. "This can result in sex that
is repetitive, mundane, or boring." This is one conversation that could
have significant, immediate rewards.
Different from retirement, a conversation about savings means talking
about how much of your money you'd like to set aside to save up for big-ticket
items (like a car, a house, or a vacation). It's especially important to find
out whether you and your spouse are on the same page on this subject. Do you
both agree that having savings is important? Do you both have the will power to
set money aside and not use it for discretionary items? Work to find a
compromise now that works for both of you; disagreement can lead to big
problems later on.
Do you know whether your husband prefers words of affirmation or acts of
service? How about quality time, acts of service, or receiving gifts? Do you
know what your own love languages are?
It doesn't matter whether your
languages are the same or match exactly; what does matter is that you both feel
and show love in a way that each of you understand. You can take a free test at
5lovelanguages.com
to find out which languages speak to you the most. Ask your spouse to take the
test as well and then talk about the results. You'll probably learn something
new and you'll learn how better to love your spouse.
You should share with each other your plans for the future and you
probably have an idea of one another's short-term and long-term goals, but what
your wildest dreams? Do your spouse know the kinds of things do you only
silently wish for, like taking exotic vacations, getting your PhD, or moving to
another country?
It doesn't matter if you expect these dreams never to come
true, your spouse should know about them! Share your flights of fantasy with
your partner and you may find you each have the same dreams. And perhaps some
of your wishes aren't so unattainable after all. Either way, it will give your
spouse a glimpse into your hopes, and you both can talk and dream about them
together.
Deciding to get food storage is, in a way, deciding to accept that life
is outside your control. Nobody gets food storage hoping they'll really have to
use it someday. But it's essential to have because you never know what life
could throw your way. Whether your family faces a job loss or serious natural
disaster, you'll be glad you were prepared.
Start out small, but try to work up to
at least a three-month supply of food for everyone in your family. It sounds a
little daunting, but Relief Foods can help you make sure you have what you
need. Start with the basics, of course, like flour, sugar, beans, rice, etc.,
but also look into having more tasty options in your food storage. If you ever
have to live off it, life will be much more pleasant if you don't have to eat the
same boring food every day. Check out Relief Foods' delicious, easy-to-use
options.
Writing a will, talking about your
in-laws and planning out your food storage might not sound like the most fun
way spend your time, but you'll be grateful you talked about these topics in
the long run.
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